


The Shuuichi Situation

by megastarstrike



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bad Ideas, Character Development, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Noodle Incidents, Oumoron, Sumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megastarstrike/pseuds/megastarstrike
Summary: It was safe to assume anything that came out of Kokichi's head would be a bad idea. This plan of somehow getting Shuuichi to fall for him in four steps was probably the worst.





	1. Why Did We Agree to This?

**Author's Note:**

> so.... im back?

“So you may be wondering why I called you here today.”

“We’re in your dirty ass room, Cockichi, not a conference room. Get on with it.”

Kokichi wrinkled his nose and glared at the woman sitting across from him on the couch, internally cheering at the way she cowered under the intense stare. Rantarou and Tsumugi, who sat on either side of her on the couch, exchanged a concerned glance while the other two on the floor, Angie and Korekiyo, didn’t seem too bothered by the circumstances.

It was a typical Friday night for the six gathered in the living room of Kokichi’s house (It was a wonder his parents hadn’t kicked everyone out by now, but he supposed he couldn’t complain). While they would normally go out together to an arcade or the movie theater, Kokichi had sent an emergency text to everyone over the group chat he happened to be the creator of asking them to meet him at his house. The last person had just settled in a few minutes ago, and now they all stared at the huge binder in his arms, wondering just how badly he could fuck things up.

“Don’t tell me this is another scheme for making Shuuichi fall in love with you,” Tsumugi groaned, already pulling out her phone for another boring meeting.

Kokichi furrowed his eyebrows. “Of course not! I would never do that to you guys.” 

Five raised eyebrows.

“But yeah, this is totally another scheme for making Shuuichi fall in love with me.”

And five groans.

“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“Kokichi,” Korekiyo called, “I am certain that simply telling the object of your affections that you fancy them would be a much more effective method of confession than trying and failing to woo him.”

“Yeah, I have no idea what you just said. Translation, anyone?”

Angie hummed, tracing a heart on the coffee table. “Angie thinks Korekiyo is saying that just telling Shuuichi you like him is better than doing whatever you’re about to do.”

Kokichi scoffed. “Who said I liked him? Maybe I’m just doing this to humiliate him in front of the school.” He backtracked upon being met with a series of exasperated faces. “Okay,  _ fine, _ I may or may not like him.”

“And we fucking hate you,” Miu said, rolling her eyes and crossing her legs. “Now, what’s this ridiculous ass plan you’ve got?”

“Oh? Is this you willing to help me?”

“Hm, something like that,” Rantarou said.

“Great! Take a look at this then.” Kokichi tossed the binder onto the table with a thud, prompting everyone to cringe at the sudden noise. He leaned back with his arms folded behind his head to watch their reactions.

Five minutes passed before everyone finished reading. Tsumugi was the first to react after flipping through every page. “This actually doesn’t seem like too bad of an idea.”

“Wow, really?”

“Trust me, I was surprised, too.” She paused, tapping a finger on her chin. “I think I can help you with this third step. Miu can help you with the first, Rantarou can do the second, and Angie can do the fourth. Sorry, Korekiyo.”

“No worries,” Korekiyo said, “An anthropologist observes from a distance anyway.”

Kokichi hesitated, staring down at the binder. “Is this really a good idea?”

“Prolly not,” Miu mumbled through a mouthful of strawberries. “But what kinda friends would we be if we didn’t help you with this shit?”

That was true. Kokichi had become friends with Miu first in elementary school, where he found Miu scribbling curse words in her math notebook and subsequently joined in. Rantarou and Tsumugi came into his life during middle school, and he found Angie and Korekiyo in his early years of high school. He certainly felt closer to some people than others, but it wasn’t like he completely didn’t trust them.

But what fun would it be if he just told them that?

“God, can you pronounce a single word in this language properly?” Kokichi said, “You’re dumber than that beetle Gonta brought to class the other day.”

Tsumugi clapped a hand over Miu’s mouth before she could moan. “Don’t. His parents are upstairs.” She retracted her hand upon feeling a tongue pressing against her palm and wiped it on the couch. “Someone remind me to bleach my hands later.”

“Pft. Fucking rude.” Miu set her feet on the table. “Anyway, can we have dinner now? I’m fucking starving.”

“Wait, we have to come up with a name for this. How about… Operation Love?”

“No, that’s way too basic for someone like Kokichi,” Rantarou said.

Tsumugi frowned and glared. “Well, do you have a better idea, normie?”

“No, but that doesn’t change the fact that Operation Love isn’t that good of a name. And can you stop calling me that?”

“How ‘bout ‘Cockichi’s gay as hell for Pooichi?’” Miu cackled. Her laughter stopped when Kokichi shot her an ugly glare. “O-Or not. All up to you.”

Angie hummed as she tapped on the table before popping up from the floor with a bright grin. “Ah! Atua has spoken!”

“Well, spit it out, no-tits.” Miu crumpled when Angie shot her a strained smile. “God, why’re you guys so scary today?”

“How about the Shuuichi Situation?”

Silence.

“Actually, that would be a preferable name,” Korekiyo mused.

Rantarou nodded in agreement. “I didn’t expect us to think of a good name so quickly. Good job, Angie.”

Angie shrugged. “It was Atua’s will.”

“If that’s you trying to be humble and shit, it’s not working,” Miu said. She clapped her hands together in front of her chest. “Well? Is that it?”

Nobody spoke.

“Great. Can I go home now? I’ve got an essay due at midnight, and I didn’t start yet.”

Rantarou sighed. “Miu, how many times have we talked about this?”

“Like, at least two.”

“Hey, she’s not wrong,” Kokichi snickered.

Tsumugi sighed and shook her head. “Anyway, when do you want us to initiate the first step?”

Kokichi blinked. He hadn’t thought  _ that _ far ahead. He was surprised they had even agreed to help him execute this plan. “Surprise me.”

“Are… Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No, but when was the last time any of us had a good idea? My last detention was from helping Korekiyo make a bird suit to spy on people.”

“The proper term is observing,” Korekiyo hissed, his eyes narrowed.

Kokichi waved him off. “Ah, whatever. The Shuuichi Situation is a go!” He held his palm out, giving the others an uncertain smile.

Uncertainty prevailed as five other palms reluctantly slapped onto his.


	2. Phase 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for some of that Denseness TM

Over his years spending time with Miu and dragging her (and being dragged into) shenanigans, Kokichi honestly had no clue how he didn’t expect her to barge into his room at one in the morning with a determined glint in her eyes only she could produce at such a time.

Miu took in a deep breath and—

“No.”

“Oh, come on!” Miu pouted, stomping her feet. “You didn’t even let me say anything!”

Kokichi looked up from his textbook and sighed, his eyes straining from the sudden brightness emerging from the kicked door. “Listen, hoe, you already forced me to miss my history homework today. I’m not feeling it right now.”

“Okay, that’s bullshit. We were both in class, and it was Tsutitty distracting you with weeb shit.”

“Yeah, you’re right, that was a lie,” Kokichi snickered. He closed the book with a thump. “I’ll just copy off Korekiyo later.”

“You know he’s gonna kill you, right?”

“Good riddance.”

Miu wrinkled her nose and gave him an undecipherable glare, though she chose to move on and shut the door behind her. “Anyway, if you’re done being a complete fucking nerd, I’ve got an idea for the SS Situation.”

Kokichi paused. “SS Situation?”

“You know, Shuuichi Saihara Situation. The ‘My best friend is a gay bitch’ situation. The ‘I regret my life choices’ situation. Anything, really.”

“Wow, you’re actually being discreet for once in your life?”

“Shut the fuck up. And it was Assgie that came up with it, not me.”

For someone who seemed as lighthearted and carefree as Angie, that was awfully smart of her to do and communicate. Kokichi made a note to keep that in mind when interacting with her in the future.

“Alright, so what do you plan on doing?” Kokichi asked, leaning back in his chair and flipping his pencil. He crossed his arms behind his head in an effort to seem as unnerved as possible, though judging by Miu’s smug smirk, she saw right through it. “Is it even a good idea?”

To his delight, her smug exterior deflated. “Hell yeah, it’s a good fucking idea! Do you know who I am?”

“Right. The creator of that machine that only made tattoos of cucumbers?”

“Okay, that was  _ one _ time.”

“... Twice.”

“Two times. The point is,” Miu said, setting her hands on his shoulders and laughing when he shrugged them off, “Step one in seducing the fuck out of Pooichi is with pickup lines.”

Kokichi gave her a blank stare.

“Come on, oldest trick in the book. You even came up with it. With my ingenuity, I guarantee it’ll work better than any of my machines. One hundred percent honest.”

Just because Miu was honest didn’t mean anything coming out of her mouth was a good idea. In fact, Kokichi would wager that around eighty percent of her ideas were either stupid or absurd. But twenty percent was still a decent chance, and Miu was known to strike gold with some of her ideas once in a while. Should he trust her interpretation of his plans?

Kokichi took a deep breath before shooting her a bright grin. “Alright, shoot. What’s your idea?”

Miu’s face practically glowed in the dim lighting provided by his lamp. “This idea’s gonna be bitchin’. Shoot your best pickup line at me.”

His best pickup line? While he was certain he could come up with at least five insults on the spot, there was no way he could come up with an original pickup line in a century.

“Are you WiFi?” Kokichi asked, his eyes sarcastically half-lidded as he leaned forward. “Because I swear I’m feeling a connection.”

“That’s the lamest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“You have a better one?”

“No, but he’s not gonna like that. He likes reading, right?”

He had to admit tailoring the pickup lines to Shuuichi’s interests was a better idea than expected from Miu. Kokichi paused before nodding and trying again. “My love for you will last longer than a sentence written by Faulkner.”

“Who the fuck is Faulkner?”

“Was it good or not?”

“Still pretty lame, but seems like the kind of shit Pooichi would actually understand.” Miu stopped. “Didn’t you use that WiFi line on him a week ago? And he corrected you when you asked if his name was WiFi?”

Yes. He had forced Miu to agree to never bring it up after that happened, but he supposed if she was dumb enough to think this was a good idea, she was dumb enough to forget one of the more important pacts she had made over their years of friendship.

“What? No! I would  _ never _ use such a cheap line on my beloved Shuuichi!”

Miu furrowed her eyebrows as if she didn’t completely believe him but decided to drop it. “Whatever. You gonna pay me back for that absolutely genius idea?”

Kokichi snorted and rolled his eyes. “The absolutely genius and completely original idea of using pick up lines? Sure. Take a look in the fridge.”

Miu kneeled down and opened the mini-refrigerator next to his desk, only to slam it shut again. “Why the hell do you have stink bombs in the fridge?”

“Hey, they suit you!”

“Oh, fuck you.”

 

*

 

The instant Kokichi walked into homeroom and felt Miu’s narrowed eyes land on him, he knew it was game over for any kind of dignity he felt like having today.

“Hey,  _ champ, _ ” Miu sneered as Kokichi plopped down into the seat next to hers. “You feel like embarrassing yourself today?”

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be himself for a few irritating moments.

“I already embarrass myself by being around you,” Kokichi said, folding his arms behind his head and grinning upon hearing her squawks of disagreement. “What’s up with today?”

“You don’t… You don’t remember?”

“Remember that you’re a stupid bitch for falling for this again?”

Miu paused, and Kokichi could practically see the gears turning in her head before she slammed her palm against her forehead. “Oh my fucking—I hate you so much.”

“Don’t worry, I hate you, too.”

Then a familiar head of blue hair walked in, took her usual seat next to Miu, downed whatever hell liquid she had concocted in her metal water bottle, and collapsed, bringing the conversation down with her.

“Jeez, looks like someone just got murdered.” Kokichi reached out to tap the top of her head. “Hey, Tsumugi. Are you dead?”

“A dead person’s not gonna respond, dumbass. You’ve gotta be physical instead,” Miu said. Just before she reeled her arm back for a punch, Tsumugi snapped straight up into her usual sitting position, holding her hands up defensively.

“I’m up, I’m up,” Tsumugi whined. She slouched over her desk, tugging on the frayed ends of her hair. “Thanks for that, guys. I really needed that support after staying up studying.”

“You’re welcome,” Kokichi said.

“I didn’t mean—”

Miu slapped a hand over their mouths. “Both of you, shut your asses up! Pooichi’s coming in!”

Both Tsumugi and Kokichi’s heads whipped to the front of the room, where Shuuichi walked into the room with Rantarou by his side. The two seemed to be occupied in a deep conversation, with Rantarou’s face furrowed into an uncharacteristically mildly annoyed expression while Shuuichi’s head was ducked. Rantarou looked up to smile and wave at his friends, and Kokichi jumped at his chance.

“Hey, Shuuichi! I have some really important I need to tell you!” Kokichi called, rushing towards them.

Shuuichi turned towards him and tilted his head. “What is it?”

“I can’t hide the feelings in my ‘Tell-Tale Heart.’ I think you’re  _ poe _ fect in every way.”

Rantarou laughed into his hand as soon as the words left Kokichi’s mouth, and he turned away to exchange glances with Tsumugi and Miu, both of whom struggled to keep their own laughter in.

“Are you asking for help with an analysis of ‘A Tell-Tale Heart?'” Shuuichi said. He offered him a weak smile. “Sorry, but the last time I read it was in eighth grade. You might be better off asking Touko or one of the other upperclassmen.”

Miu’s laughter had bubbled into a cackle as she held her stomach and threw her head back.

Kokichi resisted the urge to shut her up with an insult and faced Shuuichi with a smile instead. “Nishishi! That was a lie! I’m not reading ‘A Tell-Tale Heart.’ But I  _ am _ reading another book, and Big Brother must really watch over you, because on a scale of one to ten, you’re a 1984.”

Shuuichi’s face brightened. “You like that book, too? I brought it up a couple of times, but you never seemed interested.”

_ I was too busy staring at your eyes _ , was the answer Kokichi didn’t give as he watched Tsumugi bury her face in her hands. He turned back to Shuuichi with a final pickup line that couldn’t fail. “You must be a banned book, because you’re on fire!”

Shuuichi only raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure if I was on fire, I would notice by now. Nice try though, Kokichi.” He offered him a soft smile as he walked past him and to his desk.

Kokichi stood in place, fighting the urge to give up and curl up into a ball. Was Shuuichi really that stupid? Who could miss three consecutive pickup lines?

Rantarou’s giggle fit faded into a chuckle, and he patted Kokichi’s shoulder. “Nice, Kokichi. Let’s just go back to our seats.”

“He can’t really be  _ that _ stupid,” Kokichi grumbled. Nevertheless, he followed Rantarou back to his seat and leaned back in his chair, covering his eyes with his hair.

Miu’s laughter still hadn’t ended, though she was calm enough to laugh out her next words. “Miss me with that gay shit, am I right?”

“They all just went straight over his head,” Tsumugi giggled, imitating the action by running her hand over her head.

“Better luck next time, dipshit,” Miu said. She threw an arm around Kokichi’s shoulders and ruffled his hair with her other hand, only to squeak and back away from him when she caught someone’s gaze across the room. “W-Why the hell is Pooichi glaring at me?”

Kokichi whipped his head around to Shuuichi’s direction just as Shuuichi turned away. There was no hint of emotion on his face, though his lips were curled into a ghost of a smile.

Before anyone could answer, both Angie and Korekiyo walked into their room and took their seats next to Rantarou. 

Miu recovered from the glare and leaned back in her chair to face them. “Hey, Cuckiyo, Analgie, guess what the fuck just happened.” She relayed the story to them, neither of the two reaching the levels of laughter the other three had reached, but it was evident they were amused nonetheless.

Kokichi whined and let out a wail as his friends continued teasing him. His friends poked and prodded him, though one stray gaze still burned into his back.

 

*

 

The second Friday of every month was his and Miu’s game nights, but at this point, he didn’t feel like doing much of anything.

“Hey, idiot, I brought—” Miu cut herself off upon seeing Kokichi curled up in his bed. She sighed and shut the door before sitting down next to him. “Well, aren’t you a boring motherfucker today?”

“Don’t you call me boring, vapid whore.”

“Alright, alright, god. What’s up with you?”

Kokichi didn’t respond, instead stewing in his thoughts and repeating what had happened over the course of the day, analyzing each incident for where he could have changed the outcome. He was the smartest person in the class! He spent weeks poring over every detail of his plan! Why hadn’t the first step worked out like he planned?

“Shut up,” Miu said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Kokichi shifted the blankets away from his face to shoot her a confused stare. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You think too loudly. Shut the fuck up.”

“No, you.”

“Don’t meme me, you fucker.” She stood up and tore the blankets away from him. “Get up, we’re going out for a night in the town.”

“I don’t wanna.”

Miu huffed, and it was at that moment Kokichi remembered she was half a foot taller than him and could probably fling him from there to the moon.

She grabbed an arm with both of her hands and swung Kokichi’s body out of the bed. She hauled him over her shoulder, laughing at the fake tears soaking into the fabric of her shirt. “What are you, a little bitch? Can’t handle a gorgeous girl manhandling you?”

“You’re so mean!” Kokichi cried. He wiped the stray tears away, already bored of his predictable response. “If you’re trying to surprise me, it’s not working.”

“Then I’ll just have to try harder. I ain’t giving you a free piggyback ride for no reason.” Before she burst out of the room on her path to mayhem, she paused and gingerly picked up a checkered scarf off the floor of the room, tossing it over her shoulder without a word.

Kokichi caught the scarf, reeling as he tied it over the back of his neck.

Before he had much time to think about it too much, Miu took off flying out of their dorms and into the night.

 

*

 

Around twenty minutes passed before they had made it into the outskirts of the city, where their best and worst memories had been made.

“I forgot you used to be a runner,” Kokichi said, trying to steady himself against a lamppost as Miu leaned against a brick wall, pretending like she wasn’t out of breath.

“Yeah,” Miu answered. “I think my body forgot that, too. Remember when I could run laps around these shitty apartments while carrying your stupid ass in my arms?”

“Yeah, but then you always dropped me.”

“That was  _ one _ time, you liar.”

Kokichi giggled while Miu regretted her life choices.

Unlike Kokichi, Miu was telling the truth. Back in their middle school days when neither of them could sleep from the sounds of despair ringing from the apartment building next to them, Miu would (quite literally) run away from her problems, hitting the pavement with a burning fire. Kokichi tagged along when he spotted her from outside his window, though he didn’t care to keep up with her. Their unsaid compromise was Miu would carry him when he became too fatigued to run, and Kokichi would talk both of them out of trouble with authority figures roaming the streets during that time. And though neither of them would ever admit it, it was one of the few things they missed about middle school.

Kokichi’s face blanked at the sounds of police sirens in the distance. “We should probably get going.”

“They’ve finally caught onto all your stupid pranks,” Miu snorted, though she began walking in the opposite direction of the sirens.

They walked under the night sky together, admiring the sights they had been so accustomed to before. It wasn’t a good neighborhood by a long shot; the old bullet holes in the brick walls and trash littered over the cracked sidewalks were proof of that. Still, it was amazing to observe just how much the area had changed and how much it stayed the same even after the years that had passed.

Miu suddenly stopped to snicker and elbow her friend, only to point at a fenced area near them. “Remember in elementary school when you tried climbing the fence but got your dumb ass stuck halfway up?”

“That was you,” Kokichi said.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No."

“Yes.”

“Ugh, you were like this from the beginning. I don’t know why I became friends with a bitch like you.”

“Likewise, whore.”

Despite their harsh words, they both knew exactly why their friendship had lasted ten years and was still going strong. At first, their companionship was for solidarity in a world where they could go missing for days and nobody would think to look for them.

Kokichi’s gaze lingered on a bench, his back aching at the memory of lonely nights.

Then it morphed into something necessary for protection. After all, who would mess with an alliance between complete chaos and messy creativity? (It turned out to be many people, but at least they had each other.)

Miu averted her eyes from a loose bandaid stuck to the sidewalk.

And finally, after all the denial and late nights spent in deep thought, they had accepted they were friends.

“Hey, Miu,” Kokichi called after some time of silence.

Miu slowly turned her head towards him, wary of the soft voice. “What?”

“Thanks.”

She blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m not repeating myself. Now, we should probably head back to our dorms. We don’t want anyone worrying about us after you decided to kidnap me out of nowhere.”

Miu still seemed fazed before her lips spread into a dopey grin. “Aw, is the great, supreme leader of DICE feeling sentimental today?”

“I hate you.”

“A lie as always. Stay classy, motherfucker.”

Kokichi huffed before hopping onto Miu’s back without warning. “Go, my faithful steed! Carry me into the night!”

“Jesus, now you’re talking like Korkfucker.”

“You know, I’m sure Korekiyo will be super happy to hear you give another nickname to him.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. You like blackmail.” Nevertheless, she secured her grip on his ankles and took off running down the street.

Their laughter echoed through the empty streets.

 

*

 

Kokichi only mildly regretted his life decisions the next morning when he decided it was a great idea to meet up with Miu for coffee.

He took a seat at a table in the middle of the cafe, knowing either one of them were prone to do something that would draw attention to them, so he might as well make it easier for others to see them. He hummed as he tore open packets of sugar and set them aside. There was no rhyme or reason to why he pretended his life force was coffee with a bunch of sugar dumped into it when he truly preferred his coffee as black as his soul, but he supposed there was no rhyme or reason to anything in general.

Then Miu slid into her seat across him, bright and peppy like she always was.

“What’s it to you, dickface?”

That was a lie.

“You look like you just ran here,” Kokichi said.

“That’s because I did run here. Now give me that.” Miu snatched the cup of coffee out of Kokichi’s hands before eyeing the sugar packets scattered on the table. “You didn’t put any sugar in these cups, right? My tits are already sweet enough without that junk.”

“What, you don’t trust me?” Tears sprung to Kokichi’s eyes as he pulled the other cup of coffee on the table closer to him. “You don’t trust your best friend of ten years? You’re so mean!”

“Shut it, twink. It’s way too early for this.”

Kokichi suppressed the fake tears and pouted. “Hmph. You’re no fun.”

Before Miu could take a sip of what she assumed would be coffee, a familiar anxious figure approached them, twiddling his thumbs.

Kokichi’s face brightened, and he ignored Miu kicking him under the table. “Shuuichi! You’ve saved me from spending time with this dumb slut!” He ignored her squawks of “Who’re you calling a dumb slut?” to take a sip from his cup. “What brings you here?”

Shuuichi dropped his arms to his side and cocked his head in the direction of a blonde girl at the counter. “Kaede said she needed help in science, so we just came here to study.”

“Looks like you’ve already got a hot date. What brings you over to our cursed area?”

“It’s not… Okay, whatever.” His eyes flickered between him and Miu. “So I just wanted to ask, um…”

“Spit it out, nerd, you look like you’re about to explode,” Miu barked.

Miu may have been cranky from fatigue, but Kokichi had to admit she was right. Shuuichi’s face was red, and his fingers twitched. If anxiety were personified, it would take on this exact appearance, more or less.

“You—You guys aren’t dating, right?” Shuuichi blurted.

Everything froze.

“Wow,” Kokichi breathed, “And I thought Miu was the stupid one here.”

“I mean… Yeah, there’s not really getting much stupider than that, and I had to see Kokichi during a spelling bee,” Miu said, curling her legs under her chair to avoid the resulting swing towards her.

Shuuichi blinked. “So you’re not…”

“No.” Kokichi turned to Miu, his voice turning as sickeningly sweet as the sugar packets on the table. “No offense, beloved, but I would rather die than date you.”

“Right back at ya,  _ sweetie. _ ” Again, she swung her legs to another side of her chair, laughing at Kokichi’s failed attempts to reach her.

“Oh. That’s a relief,” Shuuichi sighed.

Kokichi blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Nothing! Sorry to disturb you.” And with that, Shuuichi sped off to another corner of the cafe, disappearing behind a wall partition.

Kokichi stared after him. “Well, that was weird. Why would he ever ask that?”

Miu’s laughter faded, and she stared at him with a blank expression. “Oh my god. Please don’t tell me you’re too dense to…”

“Too dense to what?”

“Holy shit. You’re not lying.”

“Or maybe  _ that _ was the lie.”

“Don’t you fucking play your mind games with me at fuck o’clock in the morning.”

Their conversation devolved into jabs at each other and unnecessary bets, as most of their conversations tended to be.

Still, Kokichi couldn’t help but feel as if maybe he was missing something.


	3. Phase 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i return with a chapter after like 13408 years. im sorry

The question had come up while he and Rantarou lied on Kokichi’s bed in a comfortable silence, Kokichi sorting through the various detention slips he had collected over the years and Rantarou watching cooking videos on his phone.

“Hey, ready to initiate phase two of the Shuuichi Situation?”

Kokichi hummed, his eyes glued to the detention slips. “Depends on what it is.”

Rantarou sat up on his bed and shut his phone off. “What if you made food for him? Nothing too complicated like chocolates. Just a small, simple thing.”

“Let’s make fake blood!” Kokichi said, finally turning to him with shining eyes.

“No.”

“Boring.” He paused in thought. “How about shumai? I’m pretty sure you have most of the ingredients in your room.”

“... Is this about your stupid nickname for him?”

“If calling someone Maki Roll is acceptable, so is calling someone Shumai.”

“Good point.” Rantarou turned his phone on and typed something into a search engine. “There’s a lot of recipes for it, but I think I have the general idea. You were right, I have a ton of the ingredients in my room. Wanna go now?”

“I’m really busy, you know. A supreme leader has a bunch of responsibilities?”

“Like sorting through detention slips and making fun of the headmaster’s handwriting?”

“Hey, it’s time-consuming. But just because I love you so much, I’ll make them with you.” Kokichi stood up and brushed his hands off. “Come on, Rantarou, all the ingredients will rot by the time you get up.”

Rantarou laughed and stepped off the bed. “Alright, I got it.”

The two left Kokichi’s room and entered Rantarou’s room, though not before warning their surrounding neighbors of explosions.

 

* * *

 

It had taken an entire afternoon and a sleepover to get everything right, but it had been worth it (In Kokichi’s eyes, at least. He wasn’t sure just how much Rantarou regretted his life decisions, but he was willing to wager it was a lot). 

“You’ve got this, right?” Rantarou asked as the two walked to school together.

Kokichi nodded with the box of shumai held close to his heart. “Thank you sooo much, Rantarou! I never could have caused an ant infestation in your room without your help. Well, I probably could. It just wouldn’t have been as easy.”

“Yeah, well…” He patted his shoulder and offered him a gentle smile. “I’m proud you’re doing all this for the person you love. It would be a lot easier to just tell him, but telling him with your actions is a good step forward.”

“Ew! That’s the cheesiest shit I’ve ever heard!” Kokichi said, wrinkling his nose. But he couldn’t deny the warmth rising in his chest from the words.

“I know, I know. But look, there he is!”

Shuuichi sat at a picnic table in the courtyard under the cherry blossom trees with Angie. The two appeared to be discussing last night’s homework while Korekiyo watched from a distance. It was still early in the morning, leaving the courtyard emptier than it usually was.

“I’m gonna go talk to Korekiyo,” Rantarou said. He gave him a final thumbs up and bid him good luck before walking away and greeting Korekiyo with a smile and wave.

Kokichi slid into the seat next to Shuuichi, flashing both of them a grin. “Good morning! Did either of you do the online quizzes the math teacher assigned us?”

Shuuichi’s eyes widened, and he scrambled for his phone. “Wait, there were online quizzes?”

“Nope! That was a lie!”

He let out a sigh of relief, holding a hand to his chest. “Don’t—Don’t mess with me like that. I was worried for a second.”

“Then would this make up for it?” Kokichi presented the box to him. “It’s a box of shumai made especially for you, Shumai! It has all my love and affection stored into it, so you’d better enjoy it.”

Shuuichi opened his mouth to respond before his gaze fell on the box, and his smile disappeared, replaced with a sadder, more solemn one. “Another lie, right?”

“... What?”

“There’s no way you could have made this just for me. You probably made this for one of your friends, right?” Shuuichi asked. He pushed the box towards him and forced a strained smile on his face. “You should give this to someone you really made it for, like Rantarou. I’ll see you later.” He stood up from the table and walked away, leaving four stunned people in his wake.

Silence.

Rantarou was the first to speak. “Okay, so, uh… Does anyone have any idea what he was talking about?”

“Angie sure doesn’t, and she was sitting right in front of the action,” Angie mumbled.

Korekiyo paused before speaking up. “I believe Shuuichi may have been… jealous, for lack of a better word.”

“What? No way,” Kokichi said with a frown. “Shuuichi knows better than that. He wouldn’t be jealous of Rantarou of all people.”

Rantarou quirked an eyebrow up. “Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Whatever it was, it was an excellent demonstration of how set people are in their beliefs.” Korekiyo’s gaze drifted to Kokichi. “Perhaps the strong denial was demonstrated by more than one person.”

Before Kokichi could question him, Angie spoke again. “Should we tell Tsumugi or Miu about this? Atua says we should, but…” She grinned and took her phone out. “Angie will tell them! Better to hear from a friend than the grapevine.”

“Great, can’t wait to have Miu and Tsumugi make fun of me in homeroom,” Kokichi spat. He tossed the box on the picnic table. “Whoever wants to eat it can. This just got boring.”

“Hm… Angie doesn’t think they will. Maybe Miu, but not for long,” Angie said, “Angie thinks Kokichi should have more faith in his friends. Besides, phase three of the Shuuichi Situation is Angie’s turn. With Atua on her side, it shouldn’t backfire.”

Kokichi somehow doubted that but nodded anyway as his friends ate the shumai in the box.

 

* * *

 

Another day, another night spent underneath his blankets watching cat videos, trying not to cry while he wallowed in his loneliness.

A meow was interrupted by a soft knock on the door and a familiar voice saying, “Let me in. I know you’re in there Kokichi.”

“No,” was Kokichi’s muffled response.

“You know I have a key, right?”

“Shut up, you liar.” Upon hearing the door click and swing open, it was clear the person on the other side of the door had not, in fact, been lying. A few seconds later, the blanket was ripped off him. “Rantarou, I hate you.”

“Of course,” Rantarou said. He flicked the lights on and winced at the sight of Kokichi’s even messier hair. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks.”

“You don’t look like you’re ready to actually get up, so…” He held up his laptop. “You wanna watch a movie? I couldn’t get the DVD version, but we could probably stream it online.”

Kokichi curled back up in his blanket and tilted his head, widening his eyes to look as pitiful as possible. “And grape Panta?”

“And grape Panta.”

“Yay!” Kokichi shot out of his blankets and rushed to set the laptop at the foot of the bed. Soon, the two were sipping at Panta while criticizing the main character’s every move.

“Are you kidding me?” Kokichi snorted. “What kind of moron asks someone they just met to help them with a prank? That’s a stupid move.”

Rantarou laughed. “Ah, but you forget you did the exact same thing.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You liar.”

“You know it.”

Kokichi’s denial was a lie, and a blatant one at that. He and Rantarou had met in seventh grade when Rantarou caught him struggling to open a locker, a lockpicking tool in one hand and a sheep brain from dissection day in biology class in the other. Kokichi smiled and asked for a hand. Rantarou, like a true good citizen, promptly told him the locker combination, eliminating any need to lockpick in the first place.

A similar situation was outlined in the movie they were watching, where the delinquent protagonist becomes friends with the teacher’s pet who turned out not to be such. Maybe it was why they watched the movie so much.

“Hey, Rantarou?” Kokichi called.

Rantarou hummed in response, eyes fixated on the screen.

“Why did you help me in seventh grade? You didn’t seem like the type to go around putting sheep brains in someone’s locker.”

“Other than the fact that I hated that person, too?”

“I mean, that’s kind of a given.”

“I figured it would be a nice change of pace,” Rantarou said. He set his can of Panta on the ground with a grimace. “I will never understand your taste in soda.”

“Rude.”

“But you’re kind of a hard person to keep up with, Kokichi. Always energetic, always trying to do new things, always changing…” He chuckled and leaned back on a pillow. “It’s never boring around you, and I think seventh grade me recognized that.”

A smile crept its way on Kokichi’s face. “Seventh grade you was a dumbass.”

“Oh, definitely. I would totally push past me down the stairs given the opportunity to do so. But then I wouldn’t have met you, would I?”

“Would that have been for the better?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Rantarou flicked him on the head. “Now stop asking philosophical questions and watch the movie.”

“Fine,  _ mom, _ ” Kokichi groaned. He adjusted the blankets around him, his eyes heavy. By the time the movie had ended, he was fast asleep, the night cold but his heart warm.

 

* * *

 

Kokichi had a bad feeling about the way his day was gonna go when he saw Rantarou standing at his doorstep with two cans of bugspray and a pair of small tennis shoes in hand with a big grin on his face.

“Are you ready for an adventure?” Rantarou asked.

Before Kokichi could shut the door in his face, Rantarou had already thrown the shoes and bug repellant into his room. There was no escaping whatever fate he would be met with.

Ah, fuck it. Kokichi slipped the shoes on and gave himself a quick spray of the bug repellant before walking outside his door. He gave Rantarou the most unamused face he could muster. “Rantarou, I have one word for you.”

“And what would that be?”

“Why?”

“You remember that conversation we had a couple nights ago while we were watching the movie?”

“No.” A lie, but Rantarou hadn’t seemed to catch onto it.

“Might have been a fever dream, I don’t know. But it got me thinking, I haven’t done anything to keep you on your toes since high school started.”

Kokichi squinted. “I mean, you kinda mellowed out, but that doesn’t mean—”

“We’re going on a trip. No, you don’t have a choice.”

“But—”

“I pulled some strings and got the school to let us go to ‘cultivate my talent.’ I already got Tsumugi and Korekiyo to take notes for us. And I already told everyone. No excuses.”

Before Kokichi could compliment him on how much planning he had achieved over the past few days, an all too familiar figure peeked over the corner. He smiled and ignored the smug smirk Rantarou shot at him. “Hey, Shumai! What’s up?”

Shuuichi walked closer, his hands behind his back. His eyes were glued to the ground, and his knees trembled.

“Shuuichi? You okay?”

“H-Here! Just take it!” Shuuichi pushed a blue box into his hands. “Rantarou told me you two were going on a trip and were going to be gone for some time, so…”

Kokichi opened the box. His eyes widened at the insides. “You made me gyoza in the shape of a face?”

“Yes…?”

“Shuuichi, you’re such a creeper! Did you stalk me to figure out what my favorite food was?” Kokichi snickered and patted Shuuichi’s cheek with a grin. “I’m just kidding. Thank you.”

Shuuichi’s face lit up bright red, and he jumped away. “I, uh, I-I have to go! Bye!” He rushed away before Kokichi could raise any objections.

Kokichi frowned. “Huh. I wonder what’s up with Shuuichi today.”

Rantarou’s jaw fell open. His gaze shifted between Kokichi and where Shuuichi had been standing before finally settling on Kokichi. “You can’t be serious.”

“What do you mean? Shuuichi’s weird today, don’t you think?”

“I… I’ll just pretend that didn’t happen.”

And once again, as Kokichi was dragged off into an unknown world, he couldn’t help but feel as if he was out of the loop.


	4. Phase 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy this was exhausting to write

Tsumugi’s expressions were probably one of the harder ones of the class to decipher. Her eyes only changed from blank to bright to gloomy, and the rest of her features changed with them. But when she was blank, it was difficult to tell what exactly she was thinking, or if she was even thinking at all. It was one of the things that made her more interesting than she claimed to be, and it was a reason why Kokichi had approached her in the first place.

That being said, Tsumugi’s eyes were way too bright to have innocent intentions, and her face was just a little too smug.

“Kokichi, I have uncovered something amazing,” Tsumugi said as she dragged him through the halls of the school.

Kokichi raised an eyebrow but followed along. “Oh, really? You know I don’t like liars, my beloved Tsumugi.”

“First, cut it out with that nickname. It’s ridiculous.”

“Hmph.”

“Second, I’m not lying, and I’ll prove it to you.” Tsumugi stopped in front of the doors to the sewing room before swinging the doors open.

The room looked like a bomb had just went off in it, as expected. Racks of clothes and various fabrics were lined up messily, almost creating a sort of curtain. Spools of thread were scattered on the floor. Kokichi didn’t want to think about where the needles were.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Tsumugi said. She ducked behind the curtain of fabric.

Kokichi stood in his place, listening to the sound of items being shifted around and wondering if he could escape from this situation.

A few seconds later, Tsumugi emerged from the curtain, holding something behind her back. “Are you ready?”

“No, but I don’t really have a choice in this.”

“I present to you… phase three of the Shuuichi Situation!” She brought whatever she had been holding out in front of her with a flair, revealing a black cape and hat.

Kokichi stayed silent.

“... Too boring? Yeah, I figur—”

“It’s more boring than you, but I’ll excuse it for now,” Kokichi said. He snatched the cape and hat out of her hands. “But if you  _ really _ want to impress your supreme leader, you have to explain how exactly this is supposed to be step three of our plan.”

Tsumugi cleared her throat and put on her best advertising voice. “You see, for phase three, you just wrote ‘look cute AF.’ Seeing as how I didn’t think we could do that with your current, uh… fashion choices—”

“Wow, thanks.”

“—I decided to analyze what Shuuichi’s tastes were and what you would be willing to wear to make the most brilliant compromise of the century.”

“... Are you telling me he has a cape fetish?”

“What? No!” Tsumugi groaned. “Ugh, you’ve been spending too much time with Miu. I made everything black because that’s the color Shuuichi wears the most and presumably likes the most. I made it a cape and hat because I knew you wouldn’t wear anything else, and it just happened to fit nicely into your talent.”

“Oh, I knew that from the moment I saw it,” Kokichi snickered. “What, do you think I’m stupid or something?”

Tsumugi gave him an unamused stare before taking the cape and pinning it to his scarf. She set the hat on top of his head. “How does it fit?”

“Horribly.”

“Then my measurements were correct. If there’s one thing boring old me is useful for, it’s making clothes.”

Kokichi wrinkled his nose. “Wait, when did you take measurements of me?”

“I didn’t.”

“You cosplayers and your witchcraft.” Kokichi jumped forward with bright eyes and wide smile. “Tell me! Tell me! What do I do next?”

Tsumugi copied his movements, looking just as, if not more excited than Kokichi. “Oh! I got this from an anime that came out a few months ago. So, you put the outfit on.”

“Uh huh.”

“Next, you find him. It doesn’t matter if he’s alone or with someone.”

“Okay.”

“Then you seduce him.”

“Alri—” Kokichi narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry, what?”

“There’s the plan!” Tsumugi said, her voice more frantic than usual. She walked towards the door with quick, light steps. “I’ll consult with you later on how it goes. Have a good day.” And with that, she took off running down the hallway.

Kokichi allowed himself a moment to process what had just happened.

He had been encouraged to try the seduction method before using pickup lines, but it had flown right over Shuuichi’s head. But at the same time, he wasn’t sure if Shuuichi was oblivious to pickup lines or seduction itself. Tsumugi seemed to have caught onto that disparity as well and created this plan to test it. Should he be the test subject?

Ah, fuck it.

Kokichi swished his cape and readjusted his hat before taking off down the hallway.

Yeah. This was definitely a good idea.

 

* * *

To Kokichi’s credit, he had done research on how exactly seducing someone should work. The bags under his eyes he had to hurriedly cover with makeup were proof of that. But it had become glaringly clear that the most important part of learning something was practice, and practice he did not.

“I’m gonna go up to him now,” Kokichi said, his gaze fixed on the outline of Shuuichi across the courtyard.

Korekiyo narrowed his eyes and turned in the same direction. “Kokichi, I don’t think now is the right time. Shuuichi seems flustered over something. It wouldn’t be best to approach him now.”

Angie pulled on Korekiyo’s sleeve, her eyes sparkling. “Wait! Shuuichi’s looking over here, too. It must be a sign.”

“Angie.”

“Korekiyo.”

Kokichi shuffled his feet and plastered on a grin, trying his best to push down the anxiety clogging his stomach. “I’m doing it. I’m really gonna do it.”

“Stop lying and go! Atua demands it!” Angie pushed him off his chair, sending him stumbling in Shuuichi’s direction. When he turned back around with an accusing glare, she only smiled, and Korekiyo shook his head in disapproval.

Kokichi turned back around, only to meet Shuuichi’s perplexed stare.

Ah, fuck. Too late now. 

Kokichi slid into the seat next to Shuuichi with a warm smile and hugged his right arm. “Shumai! I missed you!”

“We saw each other in the class before this,” Shuuichi said, looking away far enough that Kokichi couldn’t tell which emotion was on his face. “You even asked me for a pencil.”

“Ah, right. I forgot.”

Shuuichi looked over at him as if to say something, but the words died in his throat. “Are you, um… Is that an outfit Tsumugi made for you? You weren’t wearing it in class today.”

Kokichi pouted. “Hey! I’ll have you know I made this outfit myself, from picking the cotton to making the purple dye to sewing it all together. A supreme leader needs skills like that if they want their empire to survive.”

“... The cape is polyester.”

“Nishishi! Maybe that’s what I want you to think.”

“... Right.” Shuuichi turned away again, his arms tense. He remained silent, as did Kaede and Maki, who Kokichi had just noticed were sitting across from them. 

Dread and doubt filled Kokichi’s mind. Was this the right decision? Was Shuuichi annoyed? What was even the point of this outfit if he didn’t even look at him?

Kokichi tore himself away and patted Shuuichi on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later, okay, Shuuichi?” he said, his voice softer and quieter.

“Oh, okay… Ow! What was that for, Maki?”

Kokichi had already fled across the courtyard and held a palm against the double doors leading back into the school. He turned back, seeing Maki threateningly holding a fork up at Shuuichi while explaining something that was silent under the roar of the others in the courtyard and Angie and Korekiyo staring at him in concern. Right before he left, he caught worried, guilty blue eyes before closing the door behind him.

 

* * *

Kokichi’s favorite sulking spot was underneath the piles of fabric in the sewing room, where he could remain unseen for some time before Tsumugi found him and chased him out of the room. But this time, he got the feeling she wouldn’t have the heart to throw him out.

The sound of the door creaking open was muted from underneath the pile of fabric but still audible. The lights flickered on. Footsteps grew closer and closer before finally stopping in front of the fabric pile he was hidden under.

“Kokichi, I know you’re there. Can we talk for a moment?”

“No.”

A sigh. “Fine. You made me do this.” The person paused before throwing all the fabrics to the side, revealing Kokichi curled up in the fetal position, still wearing the outfit she had crafted for him. 

“Go away, Tsumugi,” Kokichi whined, pulling his cape over him.

Tsumugi nudged him with her foot. “You can’t just stay here being depressed all day.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Not on my watch.” Tsumugi took his hand and lifted him up to a standing position. “I asked one of our upperclassmen for her gaming console, and I picked a game up that I think you’ll really enjoy. Do you mind playing with me?”

Kokichi’s heart jumped at the sight of the familiar disc in her hands, but he couldn’t show that. He gave her a dramatic sigh. “Fiiine. I  _ guess _ I could play with you just this once.”

“Great. I already set up the console in my room.”

The game turned out to be a game based on player cooperation. Those games also happened to be Kokichi’s favorite, not because he liked to cooperate with others, but because it was so easy to piss off the other player by sabotaging their efforts. And every member of his friend group knew that. For Tsumugi to willingly play such a game with him, she must have been bored out of her mind.

Kokichi snickered as Tsumugi sighed at another death. “You having fun, my beloved Tsumugi?”

“No, not really.” Then she smiled and booped his nose. “But watching you have fun is enough for me.”

Silence.

Kokichi burst out laughing while Tsumugi pouted. “Oh my god, Tsumugi, that was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said!”

“Shut up, I know!”

“That was so boring. You couldn’t think of anything original?”

“You try coming up with something on the spot, dipshit.”

“Wow, you’ve been spending way too much time with Miu recently,” Kokichi said. He hummed in thought. “To you, I could say even if you say you’re boring, I don’t think I would’ve stuck around this long if you were.”

Tsumugi looked vaguely pained, then held a hand to her chest. “... Thank you, Kokichi. That’s awfully touching of you.”

“But it was a lie.”

“Of course. Let’s just continue playing the game.”

They picked up their controllers.

 

* * *

What was supposed to be an afternoon of playing one video game turned into a sleepover cycling through multiple video games, movies, and random episodes of television shows. In the end, Kokichi’s twenty-three alarms  _ (“Kokichi, you seriously have twenty-three alarms?”) _ woke them up just in time for school.

Tsumugi rubbed her eyes and yawned as she exited his room with him by her side. “That was an awful idea. My head’s killing me.”

“Would you like something else to be killing you?”

“Call me boring, but I would prefer not to be killed at… Good morning, Shuuichi.”

Kokichi’s head snapped up, only to see Shuuichi staring at them peculiarly. He plastered a grin on his face and ignored his accelerating heartbeat. “Good morning, my beloved Shuuichi! Did you sleep well?”

Shuuichi ignored his question. His gaze darted between Kokichi and Tsumugi. “Um… you guys spent the night together?”

“Yeah, because we totally fucked.

“We played video games and watched, like, four movies,” Tsumugi said, kicking Kokichi’s shin.

“Oh, okay. That’s… That’s a relief,” Shuuichi said.

“... Why is that a relief?”

“I’m going to class. Bye.” With that, he rushed down the hall and out of sight.

Kokichi stared after him. “Well, that was fun.”

“Suspicious, I’d say,” Tsumugi mumbled.

“In what way?”

“Nevermind. Just forget I said anything.” She grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall.

Kokichi frowned.  _ Am I missing something? _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and being patient with me. chapters will most likely be longer after this.


End file.
